So here I am stuck on the highway, 15km west of a jack knifed trailer. It’s one of the innevitabilites of car commuter life.
Some people don’t seem to see it that way.
Take for example the red faced, middle age man in the BMW I’ve been periodically passing.
For the last 20 minutes if seen this guy throwing up his arms, screaming, and pounding away at the steering wheel with surprising vigor.
I don’t know how he figures this is accomplishing anything more than making this situation even more unbearable for himself.
Why get so emotional over something you have no control over?
Do you suppose he screams at and curses the sky because he hates blue as well?
It all seems very silly to me.
I know it’s only my second day back to work…but it feels like something in my mind has flipped.
There is a near overwhelming sense of restlessness sitting on my chest like an 800lb gorilla. A feeling like all of this is old and tired. Same people, same problems, same jokes…
This shouldn’t be surprising when I’ve been spending the last few weeks rediscovering life through the eyes of an ~11 month old. The doldrums of cubicle life can certainly hold no candle to that. Here where I stare at the same few square feet of wall, desk and monitor for days on end, the world is not so bright and shiny.
I must plug along because we need money and such, but maybe a change is imminent. Whether that be here, or elsewhere. I’m not sure how well I’m going to cope in the same old chair, doing the same old stuff, which I just can’t seem to make myself care about anymore.
Maybe it will be a different story tomorrow.
Maybe….Do it for Her and Her….
6:40am, I’m awake and waiting to go to work.
The strangest part is that now Lily will be spending all of about 3 – 4 waking hours in a day with her parents.
I really have to find a way to work from home or not at all or something.
Being a stay at home dad felt quite right to me, it was a very good fit. Unfortunately the pay is not so good in terms of money. In terms of everything else, it’s the most rewarding job going…
I’ve not had too much to say lately, so a random update.
I’ve been playing with a number of things lately. Project Ubuntu is still ongoing and I am a proud and loud proponent of open source software now. Gone are the shackles of the Microsoft overlords, and I’m happy about it.
In other nerdy news I’ve really come to love the ever popular site Life Hacker since I found this article explaining how to turn my point and shoot cannon into a super camera with a non destructive firmware hack (CHDK) I can now use the camera to take my regular point and shoots, but in parallel save the RAW files which I can tweak (develop) when loaded into GIMP or Photoshop.
In life news, it’s time for a new furnace and air conditioner. Our yearly inspection brought to light some deficiencies which required an upgrade. One of the greatest deficiencies of note is that the furnace was approximately 65% efficient. Not so good some someone like myself who is becoming ever more concerned with his environmental footprint and fuel usage.
Our new unit is rated at 96%, which will do wonders for the heating bill, and my conscience. This will be installed tomorrow. We have also arranged a home energy audit which will identify areas for improvement, as well as make us eligible for sizable government of Ontario rebates for the furnace, and anything we fix that is flagged in the initial audit.
A long weekend approaches. I’ve taken an extra Friday off, for no other reason than I am not a fan of working. We will be taking Lily to the Zoo with her friend Sadie for a picnic. This past weekend we realized Lily is a bit of a jerk, when at Sadie’s first birthday party, Lily stole her happy birthday balloon and made Sadie cry. What are you going to do, someone’s got to raise the trouble makers of the world, may as well be us.
Work is work, and little has changed. Laura is beginning to fear the realization that she will be required to return to work in a few short months. I don’t blame her. I leave Lily behind every morning and it still causes me pain daily. It’s such an unnatural feeling to leave. Life in the modern commerce driven society…
I suppose I should cut this short and get back to auditing some bills sent to us by contractors. How this falls into my job title of network specialist, I don’t know, but that’s the story of my life. I very rarely do what I am getting paid to do, but no one ever seems to mind. I suppose I can’t complain…
I drive to work every weekday, 45 minutes.
Often times I spend this entire time in my own head, in my car. Just a singe person, in a tiny, uncomfortable bubble.
When I find myself in a mindset like this, it bothers me. It bothers me because I know there is more to the world than that. It’s at times like these that I stretch. Not physically, but mentally.
I start my stretch with a reach outward from the introverted mindset and realize that I’m not alone on the 401. I’m in fact joined by thousands of other minds sitting in their own physical and mental self imposed bubbles. It makes me happy to know that somewhere out there on the stretch of road there is likely someone else stretching out their world view to include me as an anonymous like mind.
Beyond the road I find that aside from being one of thousands of people on a well beaten path, I am part of something bigger. The grass, trees, insects, rodents and other living and breathing organisms join me as part of my day. I include them as my mind stretches across the blanket of life that stretches out in all directions surrounding me. Somewhere among them, one briefly glimpses that it is part of something bigger, something that includes me, and I smile to think of it.
A bigger jump now. I’m standing on a ball called Earth, staring up at the sky with my arms raised like a kid on a roller coaster screaming with wonder as I am hurled through the solar system at 107,000 km/h. I’m in the front seat of the coaster watching the sky race by at a blinding pace that I am usually oblivious too. My mind wanders to someone else on earth, arms raised, screaming with joy as they sit next to me on this cosmic coaster. I do not know this someone, but we are kindred, and I smile to think of it.
Stretch. Our solar system is on of innumerable similar systems in the galaxy. We hurtle through the galaxy at speeds that escape my wildest imagination. Our galaxy in turn rockets through the universe in a like manner. How many sentient beings scattered across the known and unknown vastness at this very moment hold a picture of the universe in their minds and are reaching out to embrace with thought, like minded individuals. Billions. Trillions. Numbers that perhaps escape description. All of us, on our own coasters, arms raised in the air hurtling through time and space toward unknown destinies. So far apart, yet together in a very real and epic sense. Once again, I smile to think of it.
Dare I continue and test the limits of my mind’s reach and venture into higher dimensions where even more sentients are stretching the limits of their consciousness across the near infinite possibilities of what I can only call existence…
Wow…a few moments prior I was a single man, in a car in traffic. Now, I am a voice among innumerable others, calling out to and embracing all of existence.
I look across to the person in the car next to me, and wonder “Are you in a tiny bubble with no room to stretch or breathe, or are you at the front of the coaster, screaming with me?”