L: “When we get too old, daddy, we die?”

I for some reason thought this question would come later in life. But no, it came over a bowl of pasta at the dinner table from my 3 year old. How does one answer a question like this? Honestly I suppose.

Me: “Yes we do. But you won’t have to worry about that for a long long time.”
L: “I don’t want to get too old, just a little bit old. Why do we die?”

Whoa, that one is even tougher. My mind scrambles to find an answer to a question that I don’t really think about much.

Me: “To make room for other people I guess.”
L: “Other people in our house?”
Me: “No, other people in the world.”
L: “Would they all fit in our house?”
Me: “No, there are too many to fit in our house.”
L: “In our back yard?”
Me: “No”
L: “Our front yard?”

The train of thought has thankfully moved away from death. I’m hoping that I haven’t planted the seed of thought that has lily wanting people to die when she finds herself too crowded in an elevator.

Being a parent is interesting. Every one of these answers to fundamental questions like life and death is like a seed (or a virus?).   Each with the potential to eventually take root and grow into a part of her world view.  I can only hope and try to choose the right seeds to plant and hope that she becomes a little self sustaining ecosystem of healthy ideas.

I sometimes still wonder at what point I became qualified to to this whole parenting thing…

You rode a two wheeler with training wheels for the first time a Belle’s, played with puppies and spent a lot of time jumping on Coco’s trampoline.

All that was great fun, but there is something that sticks out in my mind even more.  Sunday it was just you and I at home alone on a hot day.  We needed some supplies so we got ready to drive to the grocery store.  At the last minute you asked “Can we walk to the store?”  Great idea.  We’d have to limit our shopping list but it would be a good start to the day.  When asked what you wanted to buy you replied with almost no hesitation “Lemons”  Umm… sure.  We’ll make lemonade, good idea.

We made our excursion to the grocery store and returned with the days supplies in hand.

We squeezed all our lemons together and laughed most of the time we were doing it as we each tasted the lemons and puckered our faces.

We took our lemonade out to the shade of the maple tree by the side walk and drank it while you showed me how to play hop scotch.

We followed up the lemonade with big slices of watermelon and chalk drawings of our family.  Eventually as all of our activities finally do, it turned into a wrestling/tickling match in the shade of our big tree.  Afterwards you took a rest and lay your head on my lap as you finished some watermelon remnants.  You let me stroke your hair while you stared up at the sky and talked about clouds and air planes and told a few crazy stories.

Lunch came and went and we both had our naps to recharge our batteries.

Next we pulled out the giant bubble maker and we filled up the neighbourhood with giant bubbles; each of us took turns kicking, poking and biting the bubbles up and down the street while the other took control of the bubble maker.

As we had now had our fill of sun we came inside for a snack and an afternoon movie.  It was Bambi.  You had never seen it before and you were a bit tuckered out so you curled up next to me on the couch and we watched it beginning to end.  It was hard to explain to you why Bambi’s mommy didn’t come back.  I don’t think you understand yet, but we’ll work on that in time.

Oh, on a somewhat related note; about the flowers in the vase, the ones who’s stems were to short to reach the water so they shrivelled up.  You were so sad that they were ‘sick’, so after I added some water to the vase and told you that it would take a bit of time for them to get better I snuck out to the back yard and replaced them with healthy flowers for you.  When you saw them again later you responded with “Daddy!  They got all better!  I’m sooo happy!”  I figured I would tell you about my little deception now before I forgot about it.

We cooked corn for dinner and ended the day with a bath and a bit more cuddling before bed.

All in all it was a day filled with relatively simple pleasures.  Bubbles, watermelon, chalk drawing….  But you know what?  It was one of the best days I have had in a very long time.  A very spiritually refreshing day.  I took a very long route to get to why I started this little note.  What I really wanted to say is don’t underestimate the power of simple pleasures.  The world will throw a lot of complex, wild and interesting entertainment options at you as you grow up.  Some of which will be beyond my imagination I’m sure.  But don’t be fooled into thinking that these are the only way to have a good time.

All the high definition, surround sound, immersive and mind blowing technologies in the world would have a hard time standing up compared to the fun you can have by simply sitting in the shade, eating watermelon and blowing bubbles with someone you love.

I hope you never lose sight of that.

Love Dad.

In the last week or so it seems that you have made a fundamental change in your exploration of our world.

For the longest time you have  been meticulously cataloging the tangible objects you have come in contact with.

“What’s that?”
“A chair.”
“What’s that?”
“Snow!”

You now seem to have a good grasp on the fundamental elements that make up your usual stomping grounds so the question of the days most recent and those to come is “Why?”

I’ve been very excited about this phase of your development since well before you existed.  In fact, well before your mother and I even met.  I have always wanted to answer the million inquiries that help shape a child’s understanding and view of the world.

I look forward to seeing your quest for knowledge grow more complex, and I promise that as you dig deeper with your questions I will do my best to answer every subsequent level of  “Why?”

A conversation from yesterday at dinner.

Me: “It’s time to get cleaned up and get ready for bed!”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because dinner time is over, and now it’s bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because bed time comes after dinner time and it starting to get late so that means it bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because time is generally perceived to flow in a linear progression with later events like bed time following the earlier events such as dinner.”
You: “Oh.”
Me: “Are you ready for bed?”
You: “Yes!”

Glad we got that sorted out. 

I do hope you never stop asking why.  Feel free to challenge me; if I don’t know the answer we will go find it together.  If we have to perform an experiment to find the answer, I’ll be your willing lab assistant.  If we just plain can’t figure it out, well, there’s always a million more questions to consider while we let the stumper ferment in our minds.  Feel free to call me when you figure it out, any time of the day.

“Wow!  It sure is, the first of the year!”

“Open the door Daddy?”

I slid open the big glass patio door and we stood with our heads poked out into the downfall of heavy snow like turtles from a giant shell.

The wonder emanating from my two year old girl, my Lily, was as tangible as the snow itself.  She’s seen the snow before but to a one year old a snowy day is much like any other.  To a two year seeing, really seeing the snow for the first time is a wondrous event.  Tentatively she reached out to touch it, immediately recoiling with another giant grin and a giggle when a big flake hit her hand.

“”s cold daddy!”

I stuck my tongue out and tried to catch some with her following suit immediately after like a seasoned pro.  We didn’t catch any but the conversation quickly turned anyhow.

“We build a snowman?!”

I explained to her that it was too dark and we would need more snow for that, but promised we would as soon as there was enough snow.

After some further discussion about the snow it was decided that we will build a snowman when we have enough snow, make it’s nose out of a carrot, and then eat his nose.

We stood there a couple of minutes longer, the silence broken by giggles and squirming to get both at and away from the snow.  The whole while I was in awe of the pure joy and excitement she was experiencing from something many of us older folks grumble and cry about.  At the same time I noticed that I was not grumbling and crying but rather experiencing pure joy and excitement from the snow through the proxy of this bright little pair of eyes.

I’ve heard people talk about experiencing the world for a second time through the eyes of a child; while never really skeptical about it, I never truly understood it until recently.

I love being a dad.  It is the single greatest thing that has happened to me since my birth.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!

It was a cool July day near Parry Sound when you were baptised into Canadiana by virtue of two acts.

First: You went for your first canoe ride.  Encased in your bright orange body armour life jacket you hopped into the canoe with your mum and held on tight while we pushed off from the dock.  It wasn’t too long before you got your canoe legs and were peering over the edge looking for fish.  Shortly after that you were moving around enough to make your mother and I nervous that you would tip us all into the lake.  Par for the course and expected behaviour from you…

Secondly and perhaps more significantly you went for your first swim in water that is described as “Nice, once you get in.”  This phrase has popped up every single summer of my life and this one has been no exception.  In all my years I have only rarely heard “The water is warm!” or “It’s COLD!”  No, almost invariably the first person in the water pulls out the “Nice, once you get in” line.  Here’s a tip from your dear old Dad.  100% of the time, that means IT IS COLD.  Don’t be fooled.  What these people are really saying is “IT’S COLD.  But once you lose the feeling in your legs and your heard and lungs recover from the shock of the temperature change it becomes somewhat tolerable and perhaps even refreshing.”  I guess that’s just too long to say…But now you know what it means.

The shock on your face was admittedly kind of funny.  I could see you struggling internally as your mind tried to reconscile the following:

• I love swimming but…
• Why would you do this to me?!
• Why can’t I catch my breath?
• Why is this life jacket strap so far up my bum?
• So. COLD.
• Hey, this isn’t so bad.
• Where did my legs go?
• I CAN”T FEEL MY LEGS!
• Ahhh…this is refreshing.
• Out please now ok?
• More swimming please?

As an adult and just a few moments earlier my mind went through the exact same process.  But this time it didn’t take too long for me to build up the courage to take the plunge as I wanted to show you that it’s wasn’t so bad and that you should be brave.

Anyhow, welcome to Canadian life my dear.  I fully expect you will repeat this every summer.  I’m happy I was here to guide you into it.

I just wanted to say that I had a great time with you this past weekend.  Your mom was sick and in bed so it was just you and I for the most part…

The weather was unseasonably warm at about 27C on Saturday and we did the following:

• You slept in a bit late which is always appreciated
• After your bottle we listened to music, danced and built towers out of your big blocks.  Actually I built towers, and you knocked them over and laughed…ya jerk   (And I can call you that because by the time you are reading this you are old enough to know that in this case, it’s meant in jest)
• We went to your swimming classes…you seem to enjoy the water, and your favourite game was motor boat… You even liked the part where you get dunked.
• We sat on the sidewalk and drew with your sidewalk chalk.
• We ran up and down the hill in the back yard and picked flowers.
• We sat on the sidewalk and ate a Popsicle together while I drew you pictures of cats and doggies…
• You watched a couple episodes of  “Super Why” while I rested on the couch, because you’re so full of energy and I am old and can’t keep up
• We went for a walk, but quickly retreated due to the oncoming storm front!
• We watched the storm from the kitchen and then the front porch, you loved every minute of it!  And this makes me very happy, because I love storms too!

It was a very good day…

Sunday, a bit cooler and wet so we stayed inside, mommy was still sick so it was us again for much of the day…

• We made googley eye glasses for you out of construction paper and tape and a pair of sun glasses, you were quite impressed…as were mommy and me…
• I made you a paper crown and you pretty much tore it apart with your teeth, but at least you had fun.
• We made more towers out of your blocks, and again you knocked them down…
• We jumped on the bed for a long time…and you hid under a pile of pillows…
• We watched our neighbour raking leaves….
• We danced…you are such a good dancer.
• You put make-up on your eyes and mouth like mom does, except you used markers…It was pretty awesome…

This may not seem all that exciting now, but I just wanted to say that I had a lot of fun with you this weekend…

I love being your dad…you make every single day better…

My dad (Papa) is recovering from surgery. He’s doing well, but it’s always hard to see someone you love in pain. While you may go on with your life almost normally, it’s a feeling that’s always there in the back of your mind, weighing you down slightly.

I’d say that I hope you never have to deal with watching a loved one endure pain, but that would be unrealistic. It’s one of those inevitabilities of life and the world.

With something like that in your mind you may find that the small irritants in your life may seem larger. Much larger. A spilt coffee may make you want to yell at a kitten and go back to bed. A stubbed toe may make you want to kick the wall even harder to teach it a lesson. A commercial for hemorrhoid cream may bring you to the brink of tears with it’s lamenting song…

All rather irrational responses to everyday situations, yet at the time they seem to make so much sense.

But if I may offer some advice… Indulge the irrationalities up to a point. They do offer a vent to release a bit of built up pressure but don’t let them take over. Recognize them for what they are and reign them in. Take that energy and find a more productive way to deal with it. Bake dad some cookies for instance. You will be happier in the end, and you may stop what can often be a downward spiral into anger that is hard to stop once it’s in full swing.

If you try to suppress your emotions, it will only work for a while, and you will explode later. If you let them run wild, you will feel out of control, and likely feel worse because being out of control is rarely a good feeling. Instead, try to guide them and use them to your advantage where possible. Pour them into art or or something else that you love.

It took me a long time to learn what I mentioned above and I hope you do too. Ideally before you are a teenager, because man…that shit scares me.

Every day I find myself amazed that she just seems to get cuter and cuter, and I love her more and more.