‘You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.’

I was pointed to this thought by a friend who saw this picture and it got me thinking.  Do I understand human nature?  Not really,  I have no illusions to the contrary.  What I have come to realize however is that I didn’t truly understand this waving on the merry-go-round  concept until I became a parent.  What follows is an attempt at explaining it.

Before I was a parent, I can confidently say I was complete.  By this I mean that I had everything I needed to face the world as my own independent and functional unit.  To be clear, I’m not talking about material possessions; I’m talking about what I possessed in a psychological and spiritual sense.

Then Lily was born and that sense of self contained  completeness changed dramatically.  My understanding of personal completeness instantly  expanded to include the health and well-being of this other, fully dependent external  entity.  I can suddenly no longer be complete without  constant and tangible reaffirmation that she is well, that she is taken care of, and that she is happy.

While this same effect does extend to other family members, it is less dramatic because there is not generally  a dynamic of complete reliance involved.  If I don’t make Laura dinner she will make her own.  If I don’t feed a Lily, she doesn’t eat.

So back to the merry-go-round.  Before parenthood I understood that upon every rotation  parent and child  were happy to see one another.  Now that I am a parent and I am the one watching Lily spin, I understand (after some reflection) that it runs deeper than just being happy to see her.  I’m happy that I have received that visual,  tangible affirmation that she is okay, that she is happy, that she is in no danger.  During that briefest of moments when she is out of sight my sense of personal completeness is diminished slightly.  So when it is restored I’m happy, I smile, and I wave.

But what about from my child’s point of view?  It’s been a while since I’ve been a child, but I think it’s very much the same concept.  Where I see myself as guardian and provider to my child, she must see me as her protector and provider as well.  She must know that her well being is intimately tied to her parents presence because we have always provided the necessities of life to her, and we have caught her so many times when she has fallen.

So, like me, when the merry-go-round spins and mom or dad come into view she must receive that tangible affirmation that she will be ok, everything is fine, everything will be taken care of because we are there.  So she smiles, content with this knowledge, and she waves.

You rode a two wheeler with training wheels for the first time a Belle’s, played with puppies and spent a lot of time jumping on Coco’s trampoline.

All that was great fun, but there is something that sticks out in my mind even more.  Sunday it was just you and I at home alone on a hot day.  We needed some supplies so we got ready to drive to the grocery store.  At the last minute you asked “Can we walk to the store?”  Great idea.  We’d have to limit our shopping list but it would be a good start to the day.  When asked what you wanted to buy you replied with almost no hesitation “Lemons”  Umm… sure.  We’ll make lemonade, good idea.

We made our excursion to the grocery store and returned with the days supplies in hand.

We squeezed all our lemons together and laughed most of the time we were doing it as we each tasted the lemons and puckered our faces.

We took our lemonade out to the shade of the maple tree by the side walk and drank it while you showed me how to play hop scotch.

We followed up the lemonade with big slices of watermelon and chalk drawings of our family.  Eventually as all of our activities finally do, it turned into a wrestling/tickling match in the shade of our big tree.  Afterwards you took a rest and lay your head on my lap as you finished some watermelon remnants.  You let me stroke your hair while you stared up at the sky and talked about clouds and air planes and told a few crazy stories.

Lunch came and went and we both had our naps to recharge our batteries.

Next we pulled out the giant bubble maker and we filled up the neighbourhood with giant bubbles; each of us took turns kicking, poking and biting the bubbles up and down the street while the other took control of the bubble maker.

As we had now had our fill of sun we came inside for a snack and an afternoon movie.  It was Bambi.  You had never seen it before and you were a bit tuckered out so you curled up next to me on the couch and we watched it beginning to end.  It was hard to explain to you why Bambi’s mommy didn’t come back.  I don’t think you understand yet, but we’ll work on that in time.

Oh, on a somewhat related note; about the flowers in the vase, the ones who’s stems were to short to reach the water so they shrivelled up.  You were so sad that they were ‘sick’, so after I added some water to the vase and told you that it would take a bit of time for them to get better I snuck out to the back yard and replaced them with healthy flowers for you.  When you saw them again later you responded with “Daddy!  They got all better!  I’m sooo happy!”  I figured I would tell you about my little deception now before I forgot about it.

We cooked corn for dinner and ended the day with a bath and a bit more cuddling before bed.

All in all it was a day filled with relatively simple pleasures.  Bubbles, watermelon, chalk drawing….  But you know what?  It was one of the best days I have had in a very long time.  A very spiritually refreshing day.  I took a very long route to get to why I started this little note.  What I really wanted to say is don’t underestimate the power of simple pleasures.  The world will throw a lot of complex, wild and interesting entertainment options at you as you grow up.  Some of which will be beyond my imagination I’m sure.  But don’t be fooled into thinking that these are the only way to have a good time.

All the high definition, surround sound, immersive and mind blowing technologies in the world would have a hard time standing up compared to the fun you can have by simply sitting in the shade, eating watermelon and blowing bubbles with someone you love.

I hope you never lose sight of that.

Love Dad.

In the last week or so it seems that you have made a fundamental change in your exploration of our world.

For the longest time you have  been meticulously cataloging the tangible objects you have come in contact with.

“What’s that?”
“A chair.”
“What’s that?”
“Snow!”

You now seem to have a good grasp on the fundamental elements that make up your usual stomping grounds so the question of the days most recent and those to come is “Why?”

I’ve been very excited about this phase of your development since well before you existed.  In fact, well before your mother and I even met.  I have always wanted to answer the million inquiries that help shape a child’s understanding and view of the world.

I look forward to seeing your quest for knowledge grow more complex, and I promise that as you dig deeper with your questions I will do my best to answer every subsequent level of  “Why?”

A conversation from yesterday at dinner.

Me: “It’s time to get cleaned up and get ready for bed!”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because dinner time is over, and now it’s bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because bed time comes after dinner time and it starting to get late so that means it bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because time is generally perceived to flow in a linear progression with later events like bed time following the earlier events such as dinner.”
You: “Oh.”
Me: “Are you ready for bed?”
You: “Yes!”

Glad we got that sorted out. 

I do hope you never stop asking why.  Feel free to challenge me; if I don’t know the answer we will go find it together.  If we have to perform an experiment to find the answer, I’ll be your willing lab assistant.  If we just plain can’t figure it out, well, there’s always a million more questions to consider while we let the stumper ferment in our minds.  Feel free to call me when you figure it out, any time of the day.

I just wanted to say that I had a great time with you this past weekend.  Your mom was sick and in bed so it was just you and I for the most part…

The weather was unseasonably warm at about 27C on Saturday and we did the following:

• You slept in a bit late which is always appreciated
• After your bottle we listened to music, danced and built towers out of your big blocks.  Actually I built towers, and you knocked them over and laughed…ya jerk   (And I can call you that because by the time you are reading this you are old enough to know that in this case, it’s meant in jest)
• We went to your swimming classes…you seem to enjoy the water, and your favourite game was motor boat… You even liked the part where you get dunked.
• We sat on the sidewalk and drew with your sidewalk chalk.
• We ran up and down the hill in the back yard and picked flowers.
• We sat on the sidewalk and ate a Popsicle together while I drew you pictures of cats and doggies…
• You watched a couple episodes of  “Super Why” while I rested on the couch, because you’re so full of energy and I am old and can’t keep up
• We went for a walk, but quickly retreated due to the oncoming storm front!
• We watched the storm from the kitchen and then the front porch, you loved every minute of it!  And this makes me very happy, because I love storms too!

It was a very good day…

Sunday, a bit cooler and wet so we stayed inside, mommy was still sick so it was us again for much of the day…

• We made googley eye glasses for you out of construction paper and tape and a pair of sun glasses, you were quite impressed…as were mommy and me…
• I made you a paper crown and you pretty much tore it apart with your teeth, but at least you had fun.
• We made more towers out of your blocks, and again you knocked them down…
• We jumped on the bed for a long time…and you hid under a pile of pillows…
• We watched our neighbour raking leaves….
• We danced…you are such a good dancer.
• You put make-up on your eyes and mouth like mom does, except you used markers…It was pretty awesome…

This may not seem all that exciting now, but I just wanted to say that I had a lot of fun with you this weekend…

I love being your dad…you make every single day better…

My dad (Papa) is recovering from surgery. He’s doing well, but it’s always hard to see someone you love in pain. While you may go on with your life almost normally, it’s a feeling that’s always there in the back of your mind, weighing you down slightly.

I’d say that I hope you never have to deal with watching a loved one endure pain, but that would be unrealistic. It’s one of those inevitabilities of life and the world.

With something like that in your mind you may find that the small irritants in your life may seem larger. Much larger. A spilt coffee may make you want to yell at a kitten and go back to bed. A stubbed toe may make you want to kick the wall even harder to teach it a lesson. A commercial for hemorrhoid cream may bring you to the brink of tears with it’s lamenting song…

All rather irrational responses to everyday situations, yet at the time they seem to make so much sense.

But if I may offer some advice… Indulge the irrationalities up to a point. They do offer a vent to release a bit of built up pressure but don’t let them take over. Recognize them for what they are and reign them in. Take that energy and find a more productive way to deal with it. Bake dad some cookies for instance. You will be happier in the end, and you may stop what can often be a downward spiral into anger that is hard to stop once it’s in full swing.

If you try to suppress your emotions, it will only work for a while, and you will explode later. If you let them run wild, you will feel out of control, and likely feel worse because being out of control is rarely a good feeling. Instead, try to guide them and use them to your advantage where possible. Pour them into art or or something else that you love.

It took me a long time to learn what I mentioned above and I hope you do too. Ideally before you are a teenager, because man…that shit scares me.