‘You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.’

I was pointed to this thought by a friend who saw this picture and it got me thinking.  Do I understand human nature?  Not really,  I have no illusions to the contrary.  What I have come to realize however is that I didn’t truly understand this waving on the merry-go-round  concept until I became a parent.  What follows is an attempt at explaining it.

Before I was a parent, I can confidently say I was complete.  By this I mean that I had everything I needed to face the world as my own independent and functional unit.  To be clear, I’m not talking about material possessions; I’m talking about what I possessed in a psychological and spiritual sense.

Then Lily was born and that sense of self contained  completeness changed dramatically.  My understanding of personal completeness instantly  expanded to include the health and well-being of this other, fully dependent external  entity.  I can suddenly no longer be complete without  constant and tangible reaffirmation that she is well, that she is taken care of, and that she is happy.

While this same effect does extend to other family members, it is less dramatic because there is not generally  a dynamic of complete reliance involved.  If I don’t make Laura dinner she will make her own.  If I don’t feed a Lily, she doesn’t eat.

So back to the merry-go-round.  Before parenthood I understood that upon every rotation  parent and child  were happy to see one another.  Now that I am a parent and I am the one watching Lily spin, I understand (after some reflection) that it runs deeper than just being happy to see her.  I’m happy that I have received that visual,  tangible affirmation that she is okay, that she is happy, that she is in no danger.  During that briefest of moments when she is out of sight my sense of personal completeness is diminished slightly.  So when it is restored I’m happy, I smile, and I wave.

But what about from my child’s point of view?  It’s been a while since I’ve been a child, but I think it’s very much the same concept.  Where I see myself as guardian and provider to my child, she must see me as her protector and provider as well.  She must know that her well being is intimately tied to her parents presence because we have always provided the necessities of life to her, and we have caught her so many times when she has fallen.

So, like me, when the merry-go-round spins and mom or dad come into view she must receive that tangible affirmation that she will be ok, everything is fine, everything will be taken care of because we are there.  So she smiles, content with this knowledge, and she waves.

You rode a two wheeler with training wheels for the first time a Belle’s, played with puppies and spent a lot of time jumping on Coco’s trampoline.

All that was great fun, but there is something that sticks out in my mind even more.  Sunday it was just you and I at home alone on a hot day.  We needed some supplies so we got ready to drive to the grocery store.  At the last minute you asked “Can we walk to the store?”  Great idea.  We’d have to limit our shopping list but it would be a good start to the day.  When asked what you wanted to buy you replied with almost no hesitation “Lemons”  Umm… sure.  We’ll make lemonade, good idea.

We made our excursion to the grocery store and returned with the days supplies in hand.

We squeezed all our lemons together and laughed most of the time we were doing it as we each tasted the lemons and puckered our faces.

We took our lemonade out to the shade of the maple tree by the side walk and drank it while you showed me how to play hop scotch.

We followed up the lemonade with big slices of watermelon and chalk drawings of our family.  Eventually as all of our activities finally do, it turned into a wrestling/tickling match in the shade of our big tree.  Afterwards you took a rest and lay your head on my lap as you finished some watermelon remnants.  You let me stroke your hair while you stared up at the sky and talked about clouds and air planes and told a few crazy stories.

Lunch came and went and we both had our naps to recharge our batteries.

Next we pulled out the giant bubble maker and we filled up the neighbourhood with giant bubbles; each of us took turns kicking, poking and biting the bubbles up and down the street while the other took control of the bubble maker.

As we had now had our fill of sun we came inside for a snack and an afternoon movie.  It was Bambi.  You had never seen it before and you were a bit tuckered out so you curled up next to me on the couch and we watched it beginning to end.  It was hard to explain to you why Bambi’s mommy didn’t come back.  I don’t think you understand yet, but we’ll work on that in time.

Oh, on a somewhat related note; about the flowers in the vase, the ones who’s stems were to short to reach the water so they shrivelled up.  You were so sad that they were ‘sick’, so after I added some water to the vase and told you that it would take a bit of time for them to get better I snuck out to the back yard and replaced them with healthy flowers for you.  When you saw them again later you responded with “Daddy!  They got all better!  I’m sooo happy!”  I figured I would tell you about my little deception now before I forgot about it.

We cooked corn for dinner and ended the day with a bath and a bit more cuddling before bed.

All in all it was a day filled with relatively simple pleasures.  Bubbles, watermelon, chalk drawing….  But you know what?  It was one of the best days I have had in a very long time.  A very spiritually refreshing day.  I took a very long route to get to why I started this little note.  What I really wanted to say is don’t underestimate the power of simple pleasures.  The world will throw a lot of complex, wild and interesting entertainment options at you as you grow up.  Some of which will be beyond my imagination I’m sure.  But don’t be fooled into thinking that these are the only way to have a good time.

All the high definition, surround sound, immersive and mind blowing technologies in the world would have a hard time standing up compared to the fun you can have by simply sitting in the shade, eating watermelon and blowing bubbles with someone you love.

I hope you never lose sight of that.

Love Dad.

In the last week or so it seems that you have made a fundamental change in your exploration of our world.

For the longest time you have  been meticulously cataloging the tangible objects you have come in contact with.

“What’s that?”
“A chair.”
“What’s that?”
“Snow!”

You now seem to have a good grasp on the fundamental elements that make up your usual stomping grounds so the question of the days most recent and those to come is “Why?”

I’ve been very excited about this phase of your development since well before you existed.  In fact, well before your mother and I even met.  I have always wanted to answer the million inquiries that help shape a child’s understanding and view of the world.

I look forward to seeing your quest for knowledge grow more complex, and I promise that as you dig deeper with your questions I will do my best to answer every subsequent level of  “Why?”

A conversation from yesterday at dinner.

Me: “It’s time to get cleaned up and get ready for bed!”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because dinner time is over, and now it’s bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because bed time comes after dinner time and it starting to get late so that means it bed time.”
You: “Why?”
Me: “Because time is generally perceived to flow in a linear progression with later events like bed time following the earlier events such as dinner.”
You: “Oh.”
Me: “Are you ready for bed?”
You: “Yes!”

Glad we got that sorted out. 

I do hope you never stop asking why.  Feel free to challenge me; if I don’t know the answer we will go find it together.  If we have to perform an experiment to find the answer, I’ll be your willing lab assistant.  If we just plain can’t figure it out, well, there’s always a million more questions to consider while we let the stumper ferment in our minds.  Feel free to call me when you figure it out, any time of the day.

“Wow!  It sure is, the first of the year!”

“Open the door Daddy?”

I slid open the big glass patio door and we stood with our heads poked out into the downfall of heavy snow like turtles from a giant shell.

The wonder emanating from my two year old girl, my Lily, was as tangible as the snow itself.  She’s seen the snow before but to a one year old a snowy day is much like any other.  To a two year seeing, really seeing the snow for the first time is a wondrous event.  Tentatively she reached out to touch it, immediately recoiling with another giant grin and a giggle when a big flake hit her hand.

“”s cold daddy!”

I stuck my tongue out and tried to catch some with her following suit immediately after like a seasoned pro.  We didn’t catch any but the conversation quickly turned anyhow.

“We build a snowman?!”

I explained to her that it was too dark and we would need more snow for that, but promised we would as soon as there was enough snow.

After some further discussion about the snow it was decided that we will build a snowman when we have enough snow, make it’s nose out of a carrot, and then eat his nose.

We stood there a couple of minutes longer, the silence broken by giggles and squirming to get both at and away from the snow.  The whole while I was in awe of the pure joy and excitement she was experiencing from something many of us older folks grumble and cry about.  At the same time I noticed that I was not grumbling and crying but rather experiencing pure joy and excitement from the snow through the proxy of this bright little pair of eyes.

I’ve heard people talk about experiencing the world for a second time through the eyes of a child; while never really skeptical about it, I never truly understood it until recently.

I love being a dad.  It is the single greatest thing that has happened to me since my birth.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!

I’ve always heard the term Daddy’s Girl, but never truly understood it until I had one of my own.

This little monkey grabs on tight and won’t let go.  Once safely in my arms she looks around at everyone, including her mom and waves them off with a “Bye!  It’s me and daddy now, don’t need you guys…”

It makes me feel a little bad sometimes, when she waves off her mom…but I (not so secretly) love it…even when my arms are tired because I’ve been holding her for an hour.

I got to thinking yesterday, that this sweet behavior, may turn out to be a curse when she’s older and decides that she doesn’t need her daddy to hold her and keep her safe.  I’ll just be left with the memories of my little tree frog, clinging to me and drooling on my shoulder.  I’ll smile at the thought of it, but hope that she comes home soon to give me a hug.

I don’t know what it is about me that she seems to cling to so much.  Maybe if I spoiled her all the time I would understand.  But I am no pushover.  I am stern and let her know when her behavior is not appropriate.  Maybe it’s my smell, but as I sniff myself while writing this I think that that probably isn’t it.

I really don’t know, but hope it lasts a very long time.

And I hope, that she always needs her daddy to keep her safe and warm, even when in reality, she doesn’t.

Lily at the Computer

I hope Lily turns out to be a nerd. Probably because I consider myself a nerd, and I think most people want their children to become little mirrors of themselves.  But I also want her to embrace and welcome our new robotic overlords.

I  respect the analytical mind that lives within many nerds, and hope that she can embrace the best parts of nerdhood while leaving behind some of the stereotypical social awkwardness that often comes along with it.

I love…

• … the way you see the world.
• … the way you smile at strangers as we walk by, spreading your happiness everywhere we go.
• … the way you peek around the corner and say “Hi!”
• … the way you test EVERYTHING to see if it’s edible.
• … the way you blow kisses and say “Bye!” when you’ve had enough of something.
• … the way you surprise us sometimes, with real kisses.  You hold them back for when you mean it.
• … the way you grab a book, walk over and sit in my lap and look at me expectantly
• … the way you get distracted after I’m into page 2 of the book and go get another one…
• … the way you move the mouse around like a pro, rarely lifting it off the desk.
• … the way you help load the dishwasher (Even though it’s not quite helpful yet…

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday Lily!

Your party was yesterday, but today is the anniversary of the day you changed our lives by becoming a part of them in full force.

Lily eats cake!

I cannot imagine life without you in it. Every day is brighter because you are a part of it, and I smile every single day since you’ve been here.  It’s been a fun year, and you’ve come a long way.  I can’t wait to explore the future with you, but please take it slow, because your mom and I want these times to last forever.

Just for the record, one year ago you looked like this…

One Day Old

Love you sweetheart…

Dad

After almost a year of one of your parents taking care of you every day, it’s time to take the next step into the realms of daycare.

It’s a tough thing for us to do, and if we had the financial means to stay home with you every single day, we certainly would.  But alas, it is not to be.  (Though I fully intend on playing the lottery from this day forward)

I dropped you off this morning for your first trial day, you reached out for me as I left, and I broke a little.  Leaving you with  a stranger (Though we have done our homework, we didn’t just find her at a bus station) is very unnatural feeling.  But I know you will have fun, meet other kids (I hope you’re not beating them up, bruiser), and learn a lot.

It’s only a half day today, so I will be there promply at 12:59 to pick you up.  I expect a big smile and a hug when I see you.

You have an afternoon and a full day this week, and then next week is the big one, 5 days in a row while we go to work.

Come on Lucky numbers, we’re counting on you.

Love you sweety…

Dad