My mind was wandering through it’s random strings of thought, drifting from events of the day to events of the future when suddenly it landed squarely on a very disturbing string.

Death.  However not the fairly benign and rather intangible thought of death in general.  Not even the more disturbing concept of the loss of friends and family.  Rather, my mind quite unexpectedly and and vividly focused in on the thought that I will cease to exist at some point.

The thought was not that I will become a ghost or angel, or even spend my days in hell.  The thought was that I will one day be completely non existent and everything I have ever seen, said, loved and experienced will become complete and utter void.  Even darkness was not considered in this thought because the darkness is a  somewhat quantifiable state.  Void.  I briefly began to feel the absolute void that my life would become.

The thought was a completely selfish thought.  My current mindset tells me that I have left a legacy in the memories and lives I have touched.  In my void there was no legacy because I was nothing.  The continuity of reality beyond my death was meaningless because I was no longer able to give it meaning.  What is reality to any living being aside from a subjective interpretation of information?  Without being able to interpret it the information is useless; any concept I can conceive including the existence of reality beyond my death is rendered null when I become void.

I felt myself sinking…despair until despair lost meaning…a siphoning away of everything I cared for in the realization that without me, the meaning was irrelevant.  Selfish.

Then as fast as it came my mind built a wall.  I snapped out of it and lost touch with the mental construct (de-construct?) of the void that briefly existed in me.  Part of me tried to recover it despite it’s disturbing nature in order to search for some sort of meaning but my mind would have nothing of it.  Even now I struggle to retain enough of the feeling to provide an accurate description of it to convey.  I think my mind threw up the wall as a protective measure.  To exist with such a pure concept of the end of personal existence readily accessible to my conscious mind would quite likely drive me mad with thoughts of futility.

Today, I feel no worse for wear.  I just feel like I have been witness to a rare moment of clarity in my visualization of a rather elusive concept.  That being the concept of absolute non existence.  It has left me with one more thing however…It has left me with the hope that upon my death there will be something.  Anything.  Even a single tangible atom that my consciousness can latch onto to stave off the emptiness in the void.

And on another note, Google video is cool with it’t newish Put on Site Option…

Be safe, have fun, don’t drink and drive, and if you will be getting presents, I hope they are all exactly what you wanted!

Peace!

I haven’t blogged anything in a while but a few things have happened.

Loba and I both have new jobs.

I’m within the same company but in a different division, in a slightly more technical position. It’s a nice change to be back in a nerdier position. I liked the other job I was doing as a coordinator, but man did I ever get sick of spreadsheets after a while
This has more to do with networking, routers etc….good times. I’m still on contract but there is a strong likelihood of it turning full time in the not so distant future which will be nice.

Loba has changed companies and she no longer deals with dead people. At least in working life. She is actually in the same company as me now, but in a different department. We don’t currently see each other at work. Maybe at some point down the road we will, but we will still be in different divisions so our work won’t overlap.

What else…We’re moving again.
All was going well, the house we are currently living in is fine. I never minded the neighbourhood, although Loba has always had her reservations about it.

At the beginning of this week we awoke to find out back yard fence demolished. Someone had driven their truck through it. Though we saw it in the parking lot behind our house, we for some reason decided not to report it at that time. I was running to work, and Loba feared retaliation if we reported it then and there. She would have been alone in the house and it just didn’t feel right. (Though in retrospect we should have done something then and there, but that’s neither here nor there at this point.)

The following morning, as I went to the front door at 5:05 am to turn on the porch light and start my car to warm it up, I noticed a hooded punk in my car. I was sure that I had locked the doors the night before. I called the police to report the break in and was told to call back at 7am to file a report. Ummm…WTF? I said…
Yes 7am. I did inspect my car shortly after and found the back window was smashed in and someone had indeed rifled through the car. The neighbours car was smashed as well.

Later that morning Loba reported the crime, a cop came, didn’t do anything or even file a report and left. Good times. My faith in the police now at an all time low.

Still later in the day Loba saw a marked car in the parking lot behind our house and went to talk to the officers. They said that there was a lot of drug activity in the area. Loba offered our assistance, and even our house if it was required for anything.

The next day we got a call from the officers who said they would like to take us up on the offer. Interesting I thought, I never thought that they would really consider the offer. But sure enough, that very night we had two police officers using my office for a stakeout! My life is a movie…Bizzare…

We were told that there were no less than 3 crack houses in the immediate vicinity of our house. Sweet. The officers spent the next evening in my office as well gathering evidence to get a search warrant on the houses in question. They said there was much traffic coming and going and they are getting a decent case for a search warrant.

So yes. We live in crack town. Also this week we decided that we’ve had enough of living in cracktown and went out to look at appartments in better areas. The first one we saw we absolutely loved! We looked at one more after it and it was ok, but not as nice as the first IMHO.

So we called that night, (I think it was Wednesday) and had the forms faxed by the next afternoon for our application, and gave them a deposit check the very next day.

So…We’re moving. On or about January first.
Whew….

What a week…

594 posts (Including this one) doesn’t seem like a lot for 4 years, but you know…I blog my way.
It’s no always interesting, but hey, neither am I

One of my more popular entries that has been referenced by a number of other websites is the Time traveller spam discussion that took on a life of it’s own over the past few years. It still pops up with new entries from time to time.

Another entry that I am often suprise by is the How often should I wash my hair? thread. I get more traffic from that little post than any other post I’ve ever made. And it suprises me as it was not really a serious post, just a link for the sake of linking to something. If you ask google “How often should I wash my hair?” I’m the first result. Funny that….

Anyway, thanks for the reading over the years folks, as I mentioned, It’s not always interesting, but nothing always is. I’m sure I’ll be updating this wee page for years to come.

Have fun.

We were enjoying the sight of the leaves blowing off the big trees and swirling around on the street when something caught my eye.

A group of people were standing around one of the said big trees talking. I just happened to notice the following sequence of events.

1. My, that person looks rather startled…
2. The person is looking at the tree.
3. The whole group now looks startled.
4. The whole group is running, whilst looking back at the tree.
5. Hey, wow… something about that tree isn’t right.
6. That tree is bending awful funny.
7. Slam on the brakes.
8. That tree is falling…right toward us!
9. Holy CRAP! That tree just missed us and brushed up against the front of our car with it’s upper branches as it fell!

(The previous all happened in a period of about 2-3 seconds, It’s funny how the mind can slow moments like that down.)

Yep, this tree that must have been 5 stories high just picked that exact moment in it’s long life to nearly crush us. Seriously, if I had reacted just one second slower we at best would have had to get a new car, but at worst could have been splattered!

I wish I had the camera with us.

The first thing I thought after the tree came to rest was, “Welp…better go around” After which I parked the car for a few minutes to absorb just how close we came to being roadkill.

We returned home, had some wine and toasted to life and it’s unpredictability.

Maybe you should do the same. Sieze the moment, don’t put off living today because you might just end up snuffed out in a freak accident before tomorrow.

The people that I think make me laugh the most on the subway are the ones that make a mad dash for the doors as they are closing and just make it in. Then they look around expectantly and wide eyed as if to say “Wow! That was close eh!? But I did it! Did you see me do it? Were you enthralled and amazed by my cat like movements?”

Really, they make me laugh because people don’t care. If anything they are more concerned with the fact that said speedy just body checked and old woman and a baby to show their nimbleness and get to work 2 minutes earlier.

Taking over other peoples projects mid way through…sucks….

You know you need to work out when you can let someone out of the subway car by simply sucking in your gut….

The Lotto is fun to play…but probably a big waste of money…but hey…you never know…

The words “Pork Chops” make me laugh, I don’t know why.

I want to buy a house…hopefully in the next couple of years…maybe the lotto will come through

The best thing about a county fair is the junk food. The carnies are a hoot too…but mmm…junk food….