Over the long weekend Lily had some new developments. Blueberries would be one of them. Oh how she loves them, and for those without first hand experience, I can tell you that they are surprisingly similar upon exit.
Those big blue eyes are complimented well by the blue goo that covers her face, sometimes so extensively that she looks like she has some deep blue 5 o’clock shadow. Amusing to be sure.
Her other development is a new found attachment to me. While she’s always liked being held by me, and playing with me, suddenly she seems to be going out of her way to make it known that she wants to be with me. Last night for example when laura had her resting on her chest in bed, Lily took a look at me, crawled off Laura and cuddled into me and went to sleep. I’m not ashamed to admit that it made me a bit weepy that my little girl said so loud and clear that she loves me with her actions.
The down side to this… Over the weekend she seemd to get accustomed to waking up at 6am with me, at which time we would have our breakfast, play and cuddle while Mom slept in a bit. It was nice to have the time with Lily…I miss her when I’m at work. Work, the problem. Tuesday as I was getting up and getting ready for work she sensed the change. Dad had to iron his clothes, and shower and basically do his own routine without the little tag along. And when it came time to say goodbye, my little buddy, so confused and sad wailed with her arms raised in the air, wondering why I wasn’t picking her up so we could go play.
Awful…It hit me in the gut and made me want to call in to work saying “sorry, Lily needs me more than you” It made me think that it seems so counter intuitive to go away and leave my progeny behind to spend the day ensuring businesses can keep selling things we don’t need to buy, and that we can keep paying for them.
I’m left with conflicted priorities. I want to stay with her 24×7, teaching her about the world and exploring it with her. But I want to give her every opportunity she could want. Travel, education, good food, a warm home, toys now and then. For that I must leave her daily and spend 10 hours out of her reach. +Sigh+
My instincts tell me to stay, my current status as a pawn in a commerce dominated society makes me go…
Despite the inner conflict, there is part of me that smiles as she reaches for me with tears in her eyes, because it unequivocally tells me she loves her daddy. That’s an indescribable feeling.