SMooSH Space

Being a dad has certainly exposed me to a whole new set of feelings and experiences.
Today I was exposed to instinctual selflessness.

This morning, as I was walking down the stairs I somehow missed a step and fell hard…but the scary part was that I was holding Lily at the time.

That certainly adds a whole new terrifying element to the already frightening experience of falling down the stairs.

Like a lot of moments like this, everything moves in slow motion. But unlike usual there was a new dynamic. I had no conscious thought about breaking my fall, pain, or any other such trivial thing. The entire conscious portion of my mind was focused on Lily. Poor little lily falling to the floor with me. Everything was focused on making sure she was ok. Instead of reaching out to break my fall, I was reaching out to break hers. Instead of focusing on my pain, I was focused on saving her from any pain. In fact, I don’t think I felt anything at all until after handing lily to Laura’s safe hands.

Poor Laura…What a way to wake up. I admit, I screamed. A true scream of fear, calling out to Laura. I thought Lily had hit her head on a wooden edge that runs the length of the stairs. I called out because I needed Lily to have as much help as possible. Not because I was down.

As it turns out, Lily was frightened, but seems no worse for wear. Apparently the instinctual overrides in my psyche did their job and protected Lily quite well. After only a couple minutes of crying she was back to her normal routine of chewing on anything she can find and smiling at the world.

Me, I’ll be aching for a few days I’m sure…But that’s still hardly my concern. I just keep looking at Lily and thanking the universe that she’s ok.

This being a parent thing…what a rush…a wonderful, terrifying, amazing rush.

P.S.
Thanks mom and dad…for catching me when I fell….I’m starting to understand you guys more and more as time goes on.